There is such a simple joy in arriving home with Rowan to our apartment. It is such a relief to come in the door, set down our bags and enter our own world. We often dance and sing together to Rowan’s favorite musician, James Brown- she is such an amazing dancer. She giggles and squeals and smiles with two deep dimples and two long, straight and perfect white teeth. In these moments I feel an intense happiness, an ecstasy, and a contentment that sets the world right and makes me realize that as long as we are together, nothing else matters.
This love is unlike any I’ve felt before. Unlike the love I’ve experienced with the few men I’ve had long term relationships with, it does not depend upon anything. It is not quantified by something Rowan does or does not do. It is not hopeful, looking to the future we might have together, or regretful, pining for a past we could have had. It is not colored by doubt, self-consciousness, suspicion, or jealousy. My love for her is part of me, as she is part of me. It is always living in the moment, cherishing and savoring and memorizing each instant we are alive and together. And the more I get to know this little person, this other part of myself who is flowering into her own individuality, the more I am awed and enraptured by her.
This newfound love has awakened in me a kinship with other mothers everywhere. To be a mother is to nurture the future of the world and to also revel and rejoice in the NOW of everyday with our children. To be a mother is to understand the price of life as every mother is a participant in the earthly mystery of creation. As mothers, let us always band together to protect and enrich this world to continue this cycle of love through our children, our children’s children, and through the children of our fellow mothers across the world.
Hat Dance
Happy at Mealtime
She Likes to Feed Herself
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
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